Hands, · Like · Secrets, · Are · the · Hardest · Things · to · Keep · From · You

Today was a middle day. It wasn't great, although I enjoyed seeing Sarah, Eddie, and Kelsey, along with Deryk and Brent later; and it wasn't a bad day, although it was a bit dull in places and I couldn't shake an odd sensation of loneliness- the origins of which I can't place. The times when I found myself alone, mostly driving, I was thinking a lot. Had a talk with God- nothing I hadn't prayed about before, but it gave me a boost that I'd needed.

It's a little weird-feeling, praying out loud in the car, hearing yourself speak instead of thinking it, sometimes finding words you didn't know you needed to say until you hear them in your own voice. I think I've altered my view of things, a little. Talking with the gang and then Brent afterwards, it occurred to me that relationships really do take work- the important ones, anyway. It's not as simple as "I like spending time with you, let's be together." It's learning who they are, and who you are in their eyes- maybe even who you are in your own eyes, and sometimes discovering that you don't look as good to them as you thought you did, or, oppositely, that there's room for improvement on their part. And that may mean that you work harder, to be yourself, but the best version of yourself you can be, and hope that you'll be good enough to deserve them, that they'll count themselves as blessed to have you as you do them. Or it may mean that you work with them to correct what could be better, to point out what's bothering you and make it right. Perhaps both at the same time. But either way, it takes a clarity of perspective and a will to make the effort, to grow. Here's to hoping we grow together. ♥